The Special Olympics started. They are in London. Anthony Davis is on the b-ball team. Ratface coaches them (which is in itself interesting, you would think South Africa would have been a more natural fit for him to coach.) This is pretty much all I know about the Olympics, BECAUSE I'M NOT ABOUT WATCHING WHICH COUNTRY CAN SWIM THE BEST. (Great job in the 100m butterfly Greece, too bad your country can't swim itself out of bankruptcy.)   I WATCH REAL SPORTS.

UK football season can't come soon enough. wE ARE GOING TO be BAD.  THAT SUCKS. But alas my friend all is not lost. This is the Joker Phillips Farewell tour!   Grab a seat, put on your brown paper bag, and enjoy the comedy! This is no lose situation!  If we win?  Good.  …Wow…  ….How did that happen?  If we lose? See ya Joker, take Morgan Newton with you!  In fact, my advice would be to pay as little attention to the cats as possible.  Maybe take a nap when the cats come on.  Don’t worry, you won’t miss anything. If somebody not named Raymond Sanders gets the ball, I’ll wake you.  #ripvanwinkled

So I just saw the Dark Knight Rises and it is fail.  (Spoiler alert) Ready for me to ruin this movie for you? Great. I want you to think about how many times Bruce Wayne had to go to that Cafe waiting to see Alfred? He had to have went every single day.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  Can you image how crappy the food tasted after 3 days straight? Do you think he ordered different things off the menu, or just sat down and casually told his waiter Carl he'd "have the usual." This really bothers me. JUST CALL ALFRED AND TELL HIM YOUR OKAY! HE is worried sick!! ! I ONLY HOMELESS PEOPLE AND ALCOHOLICS FREQUENT THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAY!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 

As a UK fan I feel obligated to write something about basketball recruiting.  Apparently, it is in fact happening. 

I like politics, I enjoy bitterly trying to enforce upon people that their worldview is ignorant and their kind of thinking is a CANCER upon society.  HOWEVER WHAT I HATE IS EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK PUTTING THEIR POLITICAL VIEWS ON ME.  "Look, creeper who I haven't spoken to since high school, I don't care if Chik-Fil-A promotes violence towards women , their chicken is delicious!  QUIT TRYING TO DISCOURAGE ME FROM SELF INFLICTED DIABETES!  

 Also, while on the topic of Facebook, I don’t care about the love you have for your signiCAnt other, or that your dogfaced child won the spelling bee. Quit giving me status updates.  IF I CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE I WOULD CALL YOU.  And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD QUITE SENDING ME FARMVILLE REQUESTS.  I think the person who invented Farmville should be shot.  Or have to sit through an entire airing of last years UK vs. Western football game.  (Keep an eye on the first quarter.  Morgan Newton does a spot-on Weekend at Bernies impression!)

Things you probably care about that I don’t:

• Red’s are in first place.  Again, I WATCH REAL SPORTS
• Pintrest.  Isn’t this just picture or links of crap?  I use a new thing called internet BOOKMARKS 
• The Olympics. Who knew foreigners liked crappier sports than soccer?
• UK basketball recruiting.  Get a life people.  Cal has it under control.  He doesn’t need you to show him a recruit, or validate the talent of potential players.  Go watch some synchronized diving or something.
• Other Countries.  

That’s it for me.  Catch me on the KSN podcast.