I am in a pretty good mood this week friends, why is that you ask? Well it’s certainly not because Mitch Barnhardt made it to the top of K2 (which is remarkable that he can reach one of the highest points on the planet but can’t get UK out of the bottom of the SEC.) but because my beloved Miami Dolphins are the team to be featured this year on HBO’s Hard Knocks. Now if you’re thinking to yourself, “Our coach would never let our team be distracted by a TV film crew,” you must be a Patriots fan. If you thought “Our coach would probably eat an entire TV film crew,” then you’re most likely a Jets fan. And if you couldn’t read this at all because your prison cell doesn’t allow you access to the internet, you must a Bengals fan.
But my good mood regarding the upcoming football season pretty much begins and ends with Hard Knocks.
You see, death and taxes aren’t the only sure things in life. Joker Phillips, being the football mad scientist (read idiot) that he is, will always, always, throw in front of the sticks on third and long. Always. I’m pretty sure our receivers are not allowed to go past those strange orange things that the refs hold. Which I have on good authority is because we teach our receivers to keep looking for that yellow line on the ground and run past it. (It is elusive I must say.) But I honestly can’t remember when we ran a route past the sticks on third and long. I sincerely can’t. Joker loves those 2 yard dump offs that go nowhere. Perhaps this is just a way to give Raymond Sanders more yards …hmm… yes…I see it now…
The rapper Drake got a UK championship ring, and I keep hearing people say they have a problem with it. Why? He did as much or more to help UK’s championship than half of the team itself! (Here’s looking at you Centaurgus.) I love that he got a ring. In fact I think we should give more of them away.
People who should also get a UK 2012 championship ring:
UK fan day is this weekend, and although I’m down on this team, coach, stadium, band, cheers, etc etc etc… I do encourage everyone to come out. Your’s truly will be there. I wouldn’t miss it. Not because I want these clowns to deface my free 1990’s type motivational poster with their illegible scribble. No, I come for the comedy that is the practice. Last year Morgan Newton managed to throw more passes to the defense than our receivers. Well done. But it is also the other fans who I like see.
You see, some out there are fools. They live in a dream world. Come Saturday night, they'll watch our offense run tons of passing plays, many of them 20 to 30 yard passes, and get filled with blind hope/ optimism regarding this team. Ha, ignorant fools. Do you really think Joker is going to consistently throw the ball PAST the line of scrimmage? Really? Are you still waiting for that uptempo offense Tubby promised every year? Listen, don’t feel deflated when later this season we aren’t seeing ANY of the exciting plays we see Saturday. Raymond Sanders has it in his contract to 15 – 20 touches a game. Sit back and enjoy the dust cloud.
I am dying of the Olympics. It’s awful. Everywhere you look it’s Bob Costas, and frilly little men, and foreign girls who would need no makeup to be extras on the Walking Dead. But one thing I noticed is that everyone I know wants the USA to beat China. We’ll guess what? Not me. Go Commies! Look, it’s not because I’m some liberal hippie anti-USA nutjob. Far from it. I love the USA, we have real football, and bourbon, and all you can eat buffets. But the Chinese do these things right. They cheat, they dope up, they throw badmitton matches to get an easier draw. I totally respect that. That is playing smart. Screw the hard work and training, this snooze-a-thon is only once every four years. Why work hard for that? Nobody should remember these schmucks after the Olympics anyways. And why should they?
“Hello tall guy, do I recognize you from somewhere?”
“Why, I’m Stretch McTallson. I captain the USA men’s indoor volleyball team.”
“Awesome. Shut up and continue changing my motor oil.”
So you see, the Olympics are still terrible and NBC is terrible, and everyone who watches them is terrible.
And well look at that, my good mood is over. Catch you on the KSN podcast.