Some days your alarm goes off, you wake up and you want to cry. Others you just keep hitting the snooze button until you absolutely have to get out of bed. And other days, you are simply too excited, straightened up, and ready to go 15 seconds after you rise. Now typically the latter only happens on Christmas morning, or after a dinner with Karen Sypher. However today was another occasion to jump out of bed–The opening day of football.
Your old buddy Clive knows that this means marathon TV watching. So feel free to ignore your wife, girlfriend, or children. Because football is on again, and that means everything else takes a backseat.
What to watch
All games are evaluated for entertainment on a scale of 1 to 5 Buzz Bakers
South Carolina at Vanderbilt- (7:00 8/30 ESPN)
By far the best game of the week which is awesome that it also happens to be the first game. WHO YOU WITH?? VU! Yes im rooting for the commodores, but it’s hard because I like the ole ball coach. Why? Because he’s not a coward. He’s not afraid to talk smack, or bench his starting quarterback after a bad series. I think USCjr will win, but they could get lost trying to find the stadium and end up at some high school field instead.
FIVE Dave Bakers
Alabama vs. Michigan- (8:00 9/1 ABC)
As a Miami Dolphins fan, I hate Nick Saban. HATE. That idiot made Cleo Lemon our starting quarterback? Have you ever heard of a starting quarterback named Cleo? No, he wasn’t good. He sucked. He didn’t tell fortunes using tarot cards either. But if there is somehitng I hate more than Saban, it’s the Big 10.
Big 10 schools are the fat smelly girls in high school. They serve absolutely no purpose. They are not nice to look at like the attractive girls. They are not fun to be around like the skanks. They are boring, useless, and a poor representation of your school/organization. That’s big 10 football, the shame of college football.
I also cant root for Michigan because their girls are ugly. Wayyy ugly. Know what you call four Michigan girls in a hot tub? Gorillas in the Mist. Roll tide ya’ll.
FOUR Dave Bakers
Kentucky at Louisville- (3:30 9/2 ESPN)
Wjhat else can I say that hasn’t already been said. I hate Louisville. I hate Line beards. I hate Peyton Siva and his gang-banger father. But I think they still get the better of us. On the bright side, Cholly wont be around for long if they are successful, Louisville is a stepping stone school.
THREE Dave Bakers
North Texas at LSU- (7:00 9/1 ESPNU)
I originally thought this would be a close game because I thought North Texas was the team that beat East Dillon in the Texas state championship. EVEN AFTER COACH Taylor GAVE THAT INCREDIBLE PEP TALK!!! Lets win this game because Matt SARACEN’s GRANDMA HAS ALZHEIMERS – Now go get ‘em! I was wrong. Plus Les Miles east grass. That’s good for a touchdown in itself.
TWO Dave Bakers
JEFFERSON PILOT GAME OF THE WEEK
Jacksonville State at Arkansas-(8:00 9/1 Jefferson Pilot Sports)
Look, I’m pretty sure that most of you reading this think Arkansas is playing a team from Florida. It is not even worth correcting you, that’s how bad this game is.
ONE Buzz Baker
I’m out Send me your hate mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org or Catch me on them twitters @KSNClive and as always on the KSN podcast. Enjoy the games!