Hello sunshine pumpers, I feel like ruining your day earlier in my blog than normal, so read this:
“Today’s victory reinforces the belief of Dr. Capilouto and I that Head Coach Joker Phillips continues to be the right fit to lead our football program. Although this season certainly fell short of our expectations, today we celebrate a victory that has eluded this program for 26 seasons. Congratulations to Coach Phillips and our football team.
As I do after each season, I will follow up on our regular, in-season conversations with a more formal and thorough review of all aspects of our football program and address any needs after that meeting with Coach Phillips.
Bowl games and a climb up the rigorous SEC ladder continue to be my expectation and markers of our program’s progress. I remain confident in Coach Phillips, his continued ability to find and develop young talent and his plan to return Kentucky football to post-season play.
The Big Blue Nation has been very supportive of our football program as we strive to reach our goal of championship football in Lexington. Coach Phillips helped turn our offense around to what our expectation level is today and I’m confident he will do it again. Only with your continued support can we reach our dreams of celebrating our accomplishments together.
Til the Battle is Won,
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL do you remember this steaming pile Mitch served us after the Tennessee game ? Can you believe this clown still has a job? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!
I particularly love “Coach Phillips helped turn our offense around to what our expectation level is today..” HOW? WHAT? HUH? DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WE RAN A QUIMMIKY, URBAN MEYER-ABORTION OF AN OFFENSE? DID YOU ACTUALY THINK WE WOULD RUN THAT OFFENSE AGAIN? EVER???
And then: “and I’m confident he will do it again.” YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU ARE SURE, BECAUSE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WERE CONFIDENT WERE COMPLETE BRAIN DEAD MORONS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL. Most sane people were “Hopeful” Joker could turn it around, but ONLY IDIOTS WERE “confident.”
I swear to god I think Mitch Barnhart is either a complete retard, or a selfish, uncaring blowhard who is purposely against improving the football team.
NODODY WHO HONESTLY CARED ABOUT IMPROVING OUR MOST FINANCIALLY IMPORTANT SPORT WOULD DO THIS:
OK, now calm down everyone, things aren’t all bad. After all we are getting a new coach next season. And your buddy Clive has some suggestions:
Clive’s new coach picks
Ron Popeil – master motivator. Founder of Ronco and star of infomercials everywhere. Everytime I see the showtime rotisserie grill, I think it’s the stupidest thing of all time. However after three hours of hearing mr popeil I’m shouting “set it and forget it” and ordering them for my whole family. Surely the guy who gave us
chop-o-matic and the pocket fisherman, could invent us a better offense.
Coach Eric Taylor – Dude, he won state with both East and West Dillon. And That’s Texas, yall. For real, I don’t care that he’s just a character played by actor Kyle Chandler on Friday Night Lights. He’s awesome. And plus he could totally pull hotter chicks than the local sportscaster.
Raising Canes lucky fan of the game – WHY DOES CANES HAVE THIS IN-GAME SPONSORSHIP??? THEY NEVER GIVE ANYONE ANYTHING!! HAVE YOU NOTICED THIS?? I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE ONLY 5 PEOPLE IN THE STANDS AT A TYPICAL UK FOOTBALL GAME BUT PICK ONE OF THE FIVE FOR GOODNESS SAKE’S!!! At least by giving the winner the opportunity to coach the next game, more people would show up.
Mark Mangino- This is mainly because I think it would be awesome to see him in UK blue. I mean that literally, like Violet Beauregarde-style from willy wonka. Also, instead of doing the coaches radio call-in show from upstairs of Malones, he and Tom Leach* would do it by the carving station at Golden Corral.
RANDOM TOM LEACH RANT*
Dude, Genesis Diamonds sucks. Know how I know? 1. It’s a jewelry store. 2. It’s in Louisville. AND WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH ARE WE “LUCKY TO HAVE THEM”????
Also Your end of game calls are the worst: after Tennessee =“ding dong the streak is dead” …really? Really? That’s what you got?? After ncaa champ= “ now 5… here’s how you count to 8, 4, 3, 2, 1.. CATS champs champs champs…” …sigh.
TOM LEACH you sir, are awful.
Ok that’s enough, on to the games… Actually lets not. Look, there’s not a game deserving 4 buzz bakers, much less 5, however these are the best of the bunch:
Missouri @ #7 South Carolina
#2 LSU @ Auburn
Vanderbilt @ Georgia
Could be interesting, I don’t think USCjr is as good and advertised and I don’t think Auburn is as bad. Also Vandy, I’m afraid still sucks but you never know when Mark Richt will pull a Mark Richt. Keep your eyes on these games. 3 Buzz Bakers
Florida Atlantic @ #1 Alabama
South Alabama @ #23 Mississippi State
Rutgers @ Arkansas
South Carolina State @ Texas A&M
Akron @ Tennessee
All awful. All terribly, terribly awful. I hate to say it but there may be some Big10 games this weekend better than this. (doubtful). 2 Buzz Bakers.
JEFFERSON PILOT GAME OF THE WEEK!!
Ole Miss @ Tulane
Tulane is one of those schools that I forget has sports. I mean the only player I can remember from there is Shaun King. I know they are the green wave. And I’ve already given you more interesting information than anything that could come out of this game. One Buzz Baker.
But wait??! Is there a game missing???? Why yes there is! No. UK fans might as well watch a movie instead, and it just so happens I recommend one!
SATURDAY AFTERNOON MOVIE FOR UK FANS (yes I totally ripped off Jambaroo)
We used to get the TV channel Showtime when I was a child and I bet I watched this movie 500 times. Call a movie “Top Gun on the Ski Slopes” is one of the greatest worst promo lines ever. Maybe UK should use that line next year…. RISE, OPERATION WIN, GAM3DAY READY,#WE ARE UK, IT’S TOP GUN ON THE FIELD!
YOU READING THIS UK MARKETING? THAT ONE WAS FREE.
Send me your hate mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org or Catch me on them twitters @KSNClive and as always on the KSN podcast.